When she married you, she placed her future in your hands. If you have kids and walk away, there’s a GINORMOUS chance she’ll be in poverty for many years. Even if you don’t have children, she’s placing her future alongside yours. Tied to you. That’s a gamble she only makes if she believes you’re worth it.
She needs to know…more than anything else…that you WANT to be with her. That you WANT to spend time with her. That you AREN’T gonna walk. That you’re a man of your word. A man of integrity. Your “yes” is “yes.”
When she complains because you hang out with your friends. Gives you grief over it. It’s because she needs to know you are still solid with her. She wants you with her. That’s a compliment, bro. TRUE…you shouldn’t hang with the buddies 24/7. There’s gotta be a balance. But she shouldn’t make your life a nightmare simply because you need some guy time occasionally.
Let her know you love her. That you’re not leaving. Even when she pushes buttons to test you (and she will).
Don’t tell her what other women are like. She’s not them. And that’s NOT her goal. When you find fault in her, you need to know this: she’s already seen it in herself much more than you know. She already hates herself for it. She doesn’t need to hear it from you. You wanna talk about it? Talk to Jesus about it.
And it’s NOT just the words you use. It’s the tone as well. Your words can destroy her. She won’t let you know. But they can ruin her.
But here’s the cool thing: they can also call out of her what God placed there. Her womanness. Her feminine strength. And she’s strong. Probably stronger on her own than Jesus designed her to be. She needs to learn to rest in him. Your words can draw out of her the beauty of the heart of a woman of God.
And not just words. But your attention. Your time. Your willingness to focus on her alone. Muting the TV. Pausing or missing the game. It’ll reap rewards for years to come. And even if it didn’t, it’s the right thing to do.
BTW- if you haven’t figured it out yet and need a clue…you pay the price for the damage that other men in her life have done. Her father, her brothers, her boyfriends and past relationships. Now…PAY IT. Man up, pay it. Be patient. Be loving. Show her you’re not just like them. Even when she accuses you. Take none of it personally unless it applies. In which case, repent. To Jesus. Then to her. And show love and grace no matter what.
She’s a gift. Treat her that way. She’s a daughter of God or an image bearer of God. She’s precious and rare. Love her well.